Wednesday, May 16, 2012

365.....1 year later!!!!

i have been absent from my blog for over a month for many reasons..... pain, drama, performances, business stuff, traveling, ect.

But I write today because it have been 1 year today since I started this blog. there have been triumphs and failures along the way. Right now i am stuck.... and i have been stuck since the beginning of the year. one thing after another has been a road block in my success in 2012. (i am thinking my body likes odd years) i even tried a cleanse under the supervision of my trainer and my body did the opposite of what you would think would happen on a cleanse. since then i have been in another holding pattern. i am beyond frustrated right now. i don't know what else to do, and the only answer i am getting is.... keep trying or what are you eating. nothing has changed. sure i change my food up and drink lots of water, but i am getting bored and exhausted.

this is usually the point where most people would quit. but i can't. i can't go back to what i was before. sure i hate the way i look and especially the way i feel right now, but i am hoping that if i keep trucking along something will eventually move.

i only have 20-30 lbs left to go. i  know i can do it, it is just not happening as quickly as i would like it to.


Kelly

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Day 328- My Issue with My Frustration

Angela (my trainer) and i had a long and at sometimes confusing conversation about my frustration with myself and my transformation as of late.... which has not been much, even though it has at the same time.

 my issue is that i have been the same weight (give or take 5 lbs). even though i know my body composition has changed underneath all my flab. it is a mental thing and i know it. our society has been lead to believe that weight = where you are in way of weight loss... not inches or body composition, but weight. so if i were to say i weighed 185 this morning and as of right now i am down 55 lbs but all that wight was lost between may and october of 2011 what would one say about my weight loss journey with out seeing the other results as in inches or % of body fat/BMI???

 i personally see it as a failure on my part (mentally) because i know i can do better and i hold myself at a higher standard of myself. (aka- i am going to be best i can be, no ifs ands or buts) but in reality that is not true. i survived the holidays, being sick a numerous amounts of times in the last few months, and root canals. not to mention one emotional breakdown caused by an antibiotic. i am finally feeling "normal", as back to normal as one can be after all that, and i am disappointed in myself. i see myself as one who can do anything, but i have to remind myself that i cannot. what i can do is take one day a day at a time and try to keep up.... if that makes any sense.

 a friend said to me over the weekend that he wishes he had my determination, which made me fell good, but for some reason i felt the need to explain why i am not further in my journey than i am and he looked at me like i was a lil nuts. apparently i cannot see what everyone else does. on occasion i catch a glimpse of what everyone sees, but it is like an illusion to me and it is hard for me to believe what i am seeing.

 Kelly

Day 327- My weekend Recap

this weekend was another busy one- A friends 1st Art show, Pajama party with friends, Turnabout drag shows and easter... or as we like to call it- Zombie Jesus day :)

friday is when it all started. at 8pm was the start of my friend Jana's Art show as a part of First Friday here ins Spokane, WA. first friday is a way for local businesses to promote and invite in new and existing clientel with special, music & Art. @ off the Garland movie theater is a bar called Bon Bon that is an awesome Movie themed lil bar, with bartenders who craft your drinks instead of pouring a mixture of fillers with you alcohol. Jana's work is beautiful! mostly portraits, bult all are thoughtfully done and very colorful. ( i will have to take some pics and post them). after we chatted a while about how fabulous her creations were, i left her in the hands of many adoring friends and fans and headed off to a Pajama party at my friend Matt & Jewels place where we had some yummy appitisers & drinks and danced around all night.

                                                    (that is me.... the red head in the middle)

 The next day we headed out to brunch with some friends. buffet breakfast brunch was not a good idea for good choices. lots of eggs (which i am allergic to), bacon, sausage and potatos cooked in butter or oil. i stuck to the potatoes. it was either that or salad bar, and salad bar for breakfast did not sound appitizing. after that we went to a couple shops and looked around. then headed home and dropped off my huny then i headed back out in search of my outfit for that nights Drag performance.... this time i would be performing as male.

went to a great lil vintage clothing shop in downtown spokane called carosel (named after the musical). i chatted with the shop owner for a while and discovered some great finds- a "Smoking" jacket and a neglige that will look fab as a new dress :) then i stopped by Goodwill and picked up some mens pants and i already had some wing tip shoes to gp with my lounge singer outfit for the evening.after i got home i made a bow tie out of felt, ratted my hair into a pompador and twisted my hair back to look like elvis' did on the back. i chose the songs "Gin & Juice" and "baby got back" by lounge artist Richard cheese (he does hilarious lounge versions of popular songs) well my outfit & act was a huge success.... so much so that i won Mr turnabout! yay me!!! along with my friend Johnny who took the title of Miss turnabout.

                                                        (me and my friend Michael)

 as for my food/ nutrition....being that it was a holiday weekend, i was not overly conserned about beingstrict. life happens, events come up..... it is all how you handle the situation. sure i could have had the cheesy hasbrown bake at the buffet, but i stuck to the plain hash browns, english muffin and fruit. and i did have some chocolate for easter (I heart cadbury chocolate). those things happen.... but i did not go crazy because i could. i enjoyed myself.

 But now i am back to the routine because i have a bridal boudior photoshoot this coming up this weekend

Kelly

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Days 216-226: It's Tricky

I know, I know..... i have gotten horrible about posting on a regular basis. believe me, a lil part of me is screaming inside when i go to bed and i have not written a blog for that day. But time has been tight lately with modeling, drag and other emotional/emergent/drama that this was the one thing i could put aside for a lil while. so, here i am :)

But it seems as though my body is playing tricks with my mind and i am getting discouraged, but at the same time i know that it is just life. i keep trucking along no matter what and i am so very proud of myself that i have not gone back into the deep abyss that is over 200lbs for me. i have stayed between 186 & 180 for the last 7 months..... and that is what gets me. i figured by this point that i would be almost to my goal (whatever that is, but it is not where i am now).

going to try some new things coming up that i will need to be carefully monitored on, namely a cleanse.because i have never done one and i have intestinal issues i have shied away from ever doing one in fear that it would make me very ill. but we will see.

the carb cutting i did was a short term weight loss, and as soon as i stopped and gradually went back to my regular carb intake, my body went back to its comfort zone....the 180s. i feel super fluffy, but what is below all that is muscle and i can feel it under all the fluff. that is why i am so discouraged.

soooo...... what do i need to do? stay on the same track with food. switch out protein in meat form for protein bars. water & more cardio.

BTW- happy easter/zombie jesus day!


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Day 315- Good Focus

I have been doing really good on my cardio and food plan this week. yesterdays avoiding the pitfalls of emotional eating like i have done too many time in the past worked to my advantage. woke up this morning and weighed myself ..... down 5 lbs since Monday!!! only 2 lbs away for my lowest since starting in may of 2011 and and 10 lbs away from my lowest EVER (in my adult life). amazing!

 i am focused now. my huny being an the same track helps a lot too. i now don't have to dread smelling what he is eating and possibly tempting me and so therefore i disappear till he is done. But my step son is coming over this weekend so my huny was trying to plan things that he would like that he would eat.... not an easy task. possibly going to make pizza, although mine will be my way and the guys will be healthier then they have been in the past with their choices. still not easy.... plus i have a 4 day weekend, which means less of a routine than i have during the week.

Kelly

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Day 314- It Should Be Against the Law!

Playing Daniel Powders "Bad Day" song should be against the law to play in the morning. it is like a bad omen for the day. i didn't take it as such, but when i was denied taking 2 days off because someone else had even though i had asked for them in advance before i purchased tickets to an event, but never got a response back (like usual) i assumed that the coast was clear. well..... i got an e-mail this morning saying that i could not have those days off. i was very upset for most of the day. i had been looking forward to this event since i heard about it a few weeks ago. I was more looking forward to spending time with my adopted family (Pasties & Paddles) since i haven't gotten to spend quality time with most of them. I think i was more upset over that than anything. it is like- your family is going for a weekend trip to a fabulous city and you have to stay home and watch the animals. gee thanx.

oh well.

i wanted to emotional eat but instead i read. trying to get thru "hunger games" before we see the movie this weekend. so that helped keep my mind off of what i wanted to eat vs what i should eat. I drank more than a gallon of water yesterday, had the same plan for today, but only got 1/2 way.

Kelly

Monday, March 26, 2012

Days 306-313: Sad Face :(

another busy week that i was not expecting that went to crap in the end. what do i mean by that .....well i will tell you.

 I started my period last week, was in much pain, but went on with my usually weekly activities (work, work out, etc) I had a few purses that i needed to get done, a show to prep for and lack of sleep because of husbands snoring didn't help much. I am now planning food for 2 people- my husband and i, so that means twice the cooking and prepping for eating at work for the both of us. the whole week felt like one long very busy day. So Friday came and everything was going somewhat according to plan. stopped a couple purses off at Glamarita for Saturday's Cash Mob sale, and headed home to get my music ready to drop off for Saturday nights Variety show..... but the editing program decided that i was not intelligent enough to use it and therefore it didn't work. I was stressing big time and i was very very tired! i gave up and went to bed. woke up at 6 am the next morning to try again and ended up "sliding down the stairs after one of our kitties (Bruce lee) decided to plant himself under my feet on my way down the stairs. needless to say that messed up ALL my plans for the day! NO Cash Mob, No Variety Show, and no mingling with my fans and friends.... and no making extra money for my Vegas savings account. Ugh. at least i was not badly hurt, but i did twist my knee and bruised my tailbone. spent the day in bed or on the couch alternating heat and ice because i really need to work out and i have places to go and things to do.

 by Sunday i was feeling a bit better, swelling is almost totally gone, but tailbone and knee still a lil tender. that darn cat!!! but there are very few people who can say that they were tripped by Bruce lee. lol

 But it is a new week..... and i have started of good so far. 1/2 way thru a gallon of water and i did cardio for 10 mins this morning. better than nothing!

 Kelly