Day 8- Belonging

I went skating last nite and wiped out! Haven't done that since kindergarten. What happened was i was rounding the corner of the North end of the skate floor when an 8 yr old girl darted out in front of me. so i put my hands out in front of me to hopefully move her out of the way because there was no way to stop in time, and we both ended up going down. I landed on my butt and right palm and immediately rolled over on my tummy and tucked my arms under because i did not want someone to roller skate over my arms or hands. It will not detour me from going back, i just need to heal a lil before i do. maybe i will go back next Sunday.

Last time i went skating was May 2009. My huny and i had a Bachelor/Bachelorette party at a skating rink in Western Washington. i was 60 lbs lighter at the time. thinking back, it seemed easier to skate then than it did last nite. i had thought at one time about being a roller derby girl, but i really don't think i have it in me.... at least right now.

i do think that i need a group to belong to of some sort. I hate having to do things by myself, like skating. it makes me feel like such a loner. Yet at the same time i do not want to bug or inconvenience people just so i can have someone to hang out with.I shouldn't have to feel this way, it is ridiculous that i do.

I haven't felt like i belonged to a particular group since high school when i was in choir. even back then i felt left out with my friends most of the time. I would hear about things they did over the weekend and them saying "you should have been there" and me thinking ... well i would have if i was invited. instead i spent countless Saturday nights watching movies, SNL & cleaning/redecorating the house while my friends while out having a good time.

I cannot even count the  number of parties that i have had and invited all of my "friends", having had at least 50% of them saying that they were coming, then only having a few actually show. it is depressing and exhausting.

It is a bit sad, to me, that i am well into my 30s and still trying to find myself

Kelly